the tadje family: Dave's Passing

Nate's dad passed away on January 10, 2020. Dave had been in and out of the ICU for a few weeks and his health was quickly declining. His quality of life hadn't been very good the last couple of years and at the end of 2019 he was no longer able to transfer himself into his chair so he was bedridden and lost a lot of his strength and freedom. He was getting bladder infections over and over which would make him feel miserable and also make his mind blurry. And inevitably those infections would put him in the hospital repeatedly.

After his third visit in a month, things were not looking good. He went in to have a procedure to fix his catheter and during the procedure the doctor gave him medication to cancel out all of the drugs in his system. Dave has been on narcotics and controlled prescriptions to manage his pain for years so once all of his medication was out of him, his body went into shock and withdrawal and he was convulsing involuntarily. Seeing him in the ICU convulsing and uncomfortable was so hard. Nate, Aaron, and Erik stayed with him constantly for a week in the ICU. After the doctor got his convulsing under control, Dave was slurring words and unable to communicate clearly like he always has been able to.

Erik went in to the hospital to check on him early one morning and he was lucid for a those early morning hours. He let Erik know he was in agonizing pain all night long, more than he had ever been - more physically and emotionally. He told Erik he couldn't fight anymore and he was done. Dave has lived a life of a lot of physical limitations and pain. He was straight-forward that he couldn't keep fighting. The doctor agreed that his infection would just keep coming back over and over and he'd be in and out of the ICU. So all of the Tadje siblings met together (in person and over video chat) and knew it was time to put Dave on Hospice and let him stop fighting. All of his kids and in-laws (including me) ran over to the hospital or talked to him on the phone to say our last goodbyes before they put him on Hospice and medicated him so much he wouldn't be lucid again. Although Dave was having a hard time communicating and being understood, he let each individual know how much he loved them through a few simple words. I remember when I went into his hospital room and gave him a hug, he told me how grateful he was I was part of his family and how much he loved me. And I let him know how much I loved him and what a privilege it was to be in his family. It was a moment I'll never forget because you could feel so much love in that tiny ICU room.

After he said his goodbyes, the nurse gave him his first dose of morphine. Dave was then transferred back to the Bel Aire and we brought our kids over that night to say their goodbyes. There were a ton of people crowded in his little room there and he was mostly asleep but you could feel the love in that small room too. That night Aaron spent the first part of the night with him and then Nate was going to go over at 3am to watch over his dad the rest of the night, just to make sure he was comfortable and not in too much pain. About 2am, Aaron said Dave woke up and talked to Aaron for a bit and let him know how uncomfortable he was. So the nurse gave him more medication and then he closed his eyes and his breathing slowed over a few minutes and eventually stopped. Aaron said he shook his dad when he realized he was not breathing but quickly realized he was already gone. Nate arrived about 5 minutes after his dad passed and then they went and got Diane as well and the three of them called the other siblings and sat with Dave for a bit before calling the funeral home. Nate called me around 3:30am and I was surprised Dave had already passed. I've always heard that sometimes people pass away as soon as they decide they are done fighting but I never really believed that until now. Not even 24-hours after Dave and the family made the decision he would stop fighting, he passed away.

Dave lived an incredible life. Despite contracting Polio when he was just 5 and becoming paralyzed, he lived a rich and full life. He was successful in work and church and especially in his family. Diane and him raised such an incredible family and I feel so grateful to be a part of it. All of the Tadjes came into town for the funeral and it was so good to spend quality time with family and reminisce about old stories and family memories. Dave had a plethora of fun and unique stories and truly was a giant on a man. All of the kids shared a few words at the funeral and the spirit was so strong there. They shared how Dave always put God and his family first and as his 7 kids spoke you saw the kind of father he was by the kind of children he raised.

We felt a lot of love the week after Dave passed. We had cookies and donuts delivered by old and new friends. Nate's boss at work sent dinner from Magleby's for three nights which was so thoughtful. My family gave us money and a beautiful frame and we felt so loved. Dave's passing was bittersweet because we knew it was time for him to leave his mortal body but it was sad to say goodbye in this life. The knowledge of the Plan of Salvation definitely helps give us hope and comfort.

We had a lot of fun searching through old pictures and reminiscing about Dave's amazing life. We especially loved seeing pictures of him as a kid.